Wednesday, March 28, 2012

spring break 2012 is a bit stressful

it's been spring break this week and all i've been doing is sleeping and filling out job applications. i've applied for 19 different jobs and still have apps to go. everyone's asking what i'm doing this summer, and honestly, i have no idea. whatever happened to the days when i knew exactly what i was doing and it was no big deal...now i have no clue...who knows i might end up living in my car this summer haha that would be an adventure. at least i have everything lined up for next school year.

i'm not going to lie, it's been both difficult and easy to rely on God in all this...i know that seem like it can't be true (i guess intro to sociology has changed the way i think about life haha) but when i think about this summer and staying in redding, i have such peace -- i know this is where i'm supposed to be...being here -- this is part of my story...at the same time, however, i have no idea how i'm going to pay to live on campus or even if i can live on campus, i don't know where i'm going to work or what kind of hours i'll receive, but i know it will be good because i know my God is good and what more can i ask for

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

sometimes it's hard to let go

my brokenness has overtaken me
it has creeped out from it's hiding place in the shadows of my heart
and
slapped me in the face.
each sting reminds me:
         i am human
         i can't even breathe on my own
         i need a Savior
         i need healing

there is something strangely liberating about admitting that i am broken --
like a weight is released and i am free to let God remold me,
shape me.
then i can dream even bigger than now
then i can live dangerously.
but wait,
why not now?
does not what is sown in weakness get raised in power?
i will dream now
i will dream of a day that i will no longer live from my love of life,
but that i will live from the vision of the new Heaven
a day when all my soul does is praise the Lord
as long as i shall live
as long as i shall live
He's a great God





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allusions to a Prayer of Sir Francis Drake
and the song "Praise the Lord" by Kristine Mueller