Thursday, May 31, 2012

i love that lamp!

i walk in the door and everything looks exactly the same. the lounge chair to the left of the entryway, my two favorite antique lamps sitting on either side and the same grey blue blanket covering up the stains from years of eating dinner in front of the television. the china cabinet in the corner holding all the same tea cups and trinkets on the shelves with an extra layer of dust. on the wall hang my great grandmother's acrylic paintings of seasides framed by thick large frames with intricate twisting patterns painted gold and silver to look like fancy metal. the smallest one is my favorite; white blue waves crash up against the rocks in the golden sunlight of the sunrise. i think it's my favorite because of the promise in the waves; they look so young, if that is possible, with the morning barely dawning the day so new and golden with hope. i love the sunrise and i love the ocean. i also really love flowers, those are probably the only thing that has changed; though not much. my uncle plants new vegetables and flowers in his garden every spring; so since they are always new, they haven't really changed either. one thing did change: my room. the ceiling had caved in or something like that in one of the corners so everything is all moved around and piled on top of each other. i can barely walk in it, which is fine, but at the same time, i don't know where anything is and can't get to the things i really wanted to take home with me. i guess that's why i feel so weird. nothing has changed, and yet, everything has changed. i don't live here any more. i haven't lived here for two years. i'm older, more mature, independent; and although i still look pretty much the same, there is a new feeling within me, one that tells me every second that i am not the person i once was -- but this place, my surroundings, they're trying to tell me that that feeling is a lie, that i haven't changed at all, just as it hasn't changed. then i walk into my room, everything in disarray (much like my life in this season), and i am reassured that i have grown.

1 comment:

  1. Nice description. Love it....
    I am sure you have changed, we all do, and we continue to change throughout our lives, hopefully learning from past mistakes and learning to love the challenges set before us. I pray for you as you grow and change (for the better) :)