Wednesday, December 28, 2011

i'm here.

i've always been a little embarassed by my laugh. it's pretty loud and sounds like a dying seal. anytime i laugh, i hear my name whispered around the room and later people come to me and say "i knew you were there because i heard you laugh." no one has ever been rude about it; generally, they say that they like my laugh. once in the middle of church i laughed when everyone else was quiet. i couldn't help it. i tried to stay quiet, but it spilled out. the whole church joined with me in joyuos laughing and our pastor had to stop preaching for a minute. i was so embarassed.

recently, i was at my grandmother's house for Christmas, celebrating with my whole family. almost all of my cousins were there, my aunts and uncles, my brothers and sister-in-law. everyone having their own personality and their own lives. my cousin Zach and his wife Jeanette brought their 8 month old baby Henry, whom i got to meet for the first time. my cousins, Blake and Saphira were there running around on their short little 3 and 4 year old legs. my brother Teddy was there lurking awkwardly in the corners and smelling of marijauana wherever he went. every once in a while, he'd dissapear for a while and come back smelling more strongly than before. he'd walk in the room and everyone knew he was there without needing to look. it was then that i decided that my laugh wasn't that bad. at least it was something that generally brought joy rather than the stench of a painful memory.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

thank you Jesus

for most, Christmas is a time of great joy and celebration. it's a time where quirky, crazy families come together to celebrate the Ultimate Gift by sharing gifts with each other. we get so wrapped up in being with family and friends and getting new things, that we sometimes overshadow what Christmas really is. for some of us, Christmas brings pain, perhaps because loved ones who are terribly missed are no longer with us, or family life is stressful and chaotic, or money is tight and you can't give all that you wish you could. i don't what to sound harsh or insensitive (because goodness knows that i struggle with all of those feelings), but i'd choose to argue that those things are not what Christmas is about. it's not about being with family, eating food, or giving gifts. it's about Jesus humbling Himself as a little helpless baby, knowing that He was going to be rejected and murdered for our own sins and yet still coming and loving us. even when we don't love Him, He loves us. that's what Christmas is all about.

here's a great reminder from my home church The Stirring Sing Holy


Sing Holy from the Stirring on Vimeo.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

the death of grades - aka finals week

the peaceful chime of the chapel bells rang through the campus this morning bringing up feelings of comfort and rest as i meandered toward the death of my stats and research grad -- this was it -- i was going to fail stats and research and then i wouldn't qualify for psi chi and then i would die and then it wouldn't matter if i had studied for my biology final because i'd be dead then no one in all of irwin would know how to make my red velvet crepes and then thrid floor will be without a tag line and that would make everyone sad and yet...the peace remained because of those silly bells singing sweetly above the breeze that nipped at my face. soon. soon it will all be over. just breathe. OH NO! i saw my professor in the distances. stomach knotting, hands sweating, mouth drying. it's coming! the death of my grades! i received the test -- TEN PAGES!
...             ...
...                                          ...   ...
                          ...
easiest ten pages of my life

oh the worries of college

Friday, December 2, 2011

i am so very blessed. the weather today is absolutely beautiful! i walked outside and all i wanted to do was jump around and whistle with glee, except that i don't know how to whistle...but that's okay because today, my least favorite class was let out early, so naturally i decided to sit outside the coffee shop and enjoy the weather before scurrying away to my next class. as i approached, i heard the most beautiful noise: a few of my fellow students were gathered outside playing music and worshiping together. how lovely it was :)